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  • I decided to try some longer pieces of poetry, after writing several mid-length poems (1)(2)(3). These deal with the noble folk of Gondor, and the Rangers, both defending against a great evil.

    The first piece is an attempt at a sonnet, I fear I did not use the "correct" meter, but rather made up my own.


    #title:A Rider's Sonnet
    #author:{name:gondor_male}
    #types:gondor,eriador
    #
    #by Campinator
    #
    As I ride upon the hills
    Flying past the trees do blur.
    Turning calmly, many mills
    Convert wind to cloven fir.
    Then a long-horn fills the air
    Darkened figures sally forth.
    Quickly joy turns to despair
    I turn my steed to bitter north.
    Whipping quick the wind stirs up
    Showing Orc-folk drawing near
    Holding draughts within their cup
    They scurry fast, they know no fear!
    Up ahead I spy a towering light
    It may hide me for the night!
    

    This next piece is the longest I have ever written, an epic of the hopeless defense of a guard post.


    §0
    #title:Fall of a Tower
    #author:{name:gondor_male}
    #types:eriador,gondor
    #
    #by Campinator
    
    Proud and tall our tower stood
    Against the morning sky.
    Made of marble, braced with wood
    Our spirits rose so high.
    
    As noontide waned we stayed alert
    Our courage never ceased.
    No trouble we could not avert
    We crushed the mighty east.
    
    Yet like the fabled men of old
    All wonders soon must end
    Not from becoming far too bold
    But failing to defend.
    
    The creatures struck within the night
    Our men were overrun
    But not quietly dies a great might
    We fought them, every one.
    
    The scouts were slain with longspear blows
    And failed to give a shout
    A frightening mob made to enclose
    So we could not break out.
    
    Still valiantly we raised our swords
    So to our posts arose
    We sallied for the great warlords
    And in their fear they froze
    
    Then breaking through, we hacked them down
    But not without a cost
    Those soldiers who brought down their crown
    Surely then were lost.
    
    Huddling near we locked our shields,
    Prepared to take a stand.
    The greatest of the battlefields
    Against us now seemed bland.
    
    The Orcs leapt forth with flashing blades
    Several kinsmen fell.
    But as a whole we were not scathed
    No final death-bell's knell
    
    We replied, in turn, with pikes
    And slew a mighty host
    But some then fell upon foul spikes
    Affixed onto a post.
    
    Now halved in size, our band of men
    Readied a final strike
    Each soldier marked out one heathen
    And swore to end his life.
    
    We charged again the warring group
    And cut across their path
    Slaying most in one fell swoop
    That night they felt our wrath.
    
    But after that we couldn't run
    We faced impending doom
    §o Our time on Middle-earth was done
    §0 We thought, within our gloom
    
    The black-folk lost no time at all,
    Starting their own huge charge
    We, like leaves, began to fall
    Against a group so large
    
    So ended a mighty reign
    Of one ill-fated tower
    We pray we didn't fall in vain
    Dear player, use your power!
    
    Though we, the guards, have fallen short
    Of saving all the land
    Should you happen by this fort
    We hope this stirs your hand.
    

    #title:Kingsfoil
    #author:
    #types:gondor
    #
    #by Campinator
    #
    The breath of life is given
    From one who's born as king
    To one who's barely living,
    So to their life they cling.
    

    #title:Common Songs
    #author:
    #types:gondor
    #
    #by Campinator
    #
    #(to the tune of "Frere Jacques" [or "Brother John"])
    #
    Minas Tirith, Minas Tirith.
    Tall and stout! Tall and stout!
    Marble walls and steep gates,
    Marble walls and steep gates.
    Keep orcs out!
    Keep orcs out!
    

    Feel free to leave some criticisms, compliments, or thoughts! In particular, what do you think about the break from story at the end of the second poem?

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    • To Mevans if you get the chance to read: Are those formatting codes used correctly?

      Campinator Questions?

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    • I like both of these, although the second poem seems to have a couple points which (to my ears) don't quite flow right.

      And one other thing: Are these texts allowed to break the 4th wall??

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    • Reddieeddie wrote: I like both of these, although the second poem seems to have a couple points which (to my ears) don't quite flow right.

      And one other thing: Are these texts allowed to break the 4th wall??

      Which points? I wrote this at 11 last night, so many fixes are probably due.

      I was actually wondering the same thing myself. I could knock off the last stanzas, but that would leave a less dramatic ending (I feel). If it's allowed, I'd prefer to keep it in.

      Campinator Questions?

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    • Campinator wrote:

      Reddieeddie wrote: I like both of these, although the second poem seems to have a couple points which (to my ears) don't quite flow right.

      And one other thing: Are these texts allowed to break the 4th wall??

      Which points? I wrote this at 11 last night, so many fixes are probably due.

      I was actually wondering the same thing myself. I could knock off the last stanzas, but that would leave a less dramatic ending (I feel). If it's allowed, I'd prefer to keep it in.

      Campinator Questions?

      Nothing huge, just a few minor word changes. Tbh, I'd probably make far worse mistakes, if done at that time of night!

      - The second stanza feels awkward due to the lack of rhyming. ("failed" and "east"). Can't really come up with better words tho.

      - In the 7th stanza, "toppled" doesn't fit particularly well, in terms of how it sounds. Maybe "attacked" instead? Not quite the same meaning, but you do get the point across.

      - The 10th stanza. I'm not very knowledgeable about poetry, but the 1st and 3rd lines don't quite seem to fit the meter particularly well. Maybe "on" instead of "upon" (3rd line)?

      - In the 11th stanza, "heathen" doesn't work very well. Unless I'm reading it wrong, the meter requires some emphasis on the 2nd syllable, which messes with the pronunciation.

      Again, some of these may just be me reading it wrong, as I'm no expert on poetry. Either way, hope that helps.

      It certainly is a fitting ending to the poem. As for whether it's allowed, I feel like it would be fine if only used rarely. But if it was allowed, then the 4th wall would be constantly broken, I think, and it would lose the unique perspective that it would give if used rarely.

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    • Okay here's what I'm thinking

      failed -> ceased
      toppled -> took down their crown
      If you stress the first syllable of "upon" I think it works, which is how I intended.
      I mentally read this as "now HALVed in size our BAND of men" and "each SOLdier marked out one-HEAthen", which I believe works?

      That's the only time I will be writing a 4th wall break, I think, so perhaps it will slide if not many others do. Thanks for those tips!

      Campinator Questions?

        Loading editor
    • Campinator wrote: Okay here's what I'm thinking

      failed -> ceased
      toppled -> took down their crown
      If you stress the first syllable of "upon" I think it works, which is how I intended.
      I mentally read this as "now HALVed in size our BAND of men" and "each SOLdier marked out one-HEAthen", which I believe works?

      That's the only time I will be writing a 4th wall break, I think, so perhaps it will slide if not many others do. Thanks for those tips!

      Campinator Questions?

      Yes, "ceased" and "took down" work much better. And I see what you're saying with the other stanzas, especially with "Heathen".

      Probably true. Np!

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    • Added a short poem and song.

      tbh not trying to consistently "bump" this but as I am rather proud of these poems in particular, I do keep mentioning/updating....

      Campinator Questions?

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    • A FANDOM user
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